Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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