She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
