Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
