Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
