While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize