I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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