if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's great music for shaving your balls
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
