He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
