There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
why is half of my head shaved?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
