That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
