I'm going to jail i love you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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