On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize