i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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