Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
