Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
