6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
