you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
