shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
