Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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