so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
