Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
not ubering you a puppy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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