Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not ubering you a puppy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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