You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
