belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
