It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The uberlube is also flammable
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
