i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
