Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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