you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
