i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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