Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
