So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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