Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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