i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
