then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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