I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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