If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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