Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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