so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
