im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize