my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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