I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
