so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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