Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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