He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
