we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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