I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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