i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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