I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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