the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize