Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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