I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Randomize
