so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
