she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
