I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
