So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
