It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
