I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
