i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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