Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize