she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you never un-have a 4some
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
