She's JV to your varsity
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
