So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
