The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
