just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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