I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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