Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize