don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize