Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize