He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
