Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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