Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
