you traded sex for a burrito?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
