so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
