we have officially lost it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
