she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
3 2 1 whiskey
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
