Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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