We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
