i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
