I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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