I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
