hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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