lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
