My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
