Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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