then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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