i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
whose parrot is this?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We need to get me chipped asap
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
