Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
