You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
