Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
