My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well you can't waste a boner
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
