Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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