I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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