And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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