The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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