apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
