He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
