just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize