Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
