More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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