my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
love makes seman taste better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
