I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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