yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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