We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
