life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
