I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
