I heard we made out
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
