OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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