mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I will die if light touches me.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
