I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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