it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
