Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
