sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
